it gets so hard just to be okay
sometimes being happy, baby
is what i'm most afraid of
baby, you know it gets so hard
for me to fight
i don't know how i guess i never did
why don't you show me now
how to lose control?
she's so very, i don't care

-from "i like fucking" by bikini kill

she's so very... is a perzine written by melissa ann!

8/6/2011 Update:
issue number one is now available to read online

8/5/2011 Update:
I am going to begin archiving past issues so that they are available to read instantly on this website. My life is moving in many different directions and "she's so very..." is becoming less and less a part of that. I will continue to sell paper copies of the newer issues for awhile, but eventually everything currently available will be online only. If you are absolutely desperate for a paper copy of a zine you can contact me and I may be able to make one for you. I haven't decided yet if I will quit writing "she's so very..." all together, but I do have a new zine project in mind and it will focus on burlesque and burlesque beauty tips and will feature interviews with my burlesque family. So please keep checking back for more information! Thanks for your continued support through the years. 
xoxo mac


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all prices are for orders shipped within the USA.
please contact me for additional shipping cost details.

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no checks or money orders!

trades are also welcome, contact me for details.

issue number fifteen.
$1.00 ppd by mail
14 half sized pages.
text only.
April - December 2010

This issue details my Lady Gaga tribute band, joining the Bloomington Burlesque Brigade, attending a Birth Doula workshop, seeing Crispin Glover and Chris Hardwick and my overwhelming obsession with Depeche Mode.

issue number fourteen.
$1.00 ppd by mail
18 half sized pages.
text and photographs.
June 2009 - January 2010

This issue details my various adventures with my bestie Tess, coping with friendships, working as DJ Dumptruck Molly, my 10 year high school reunion, my newest pop culture obsessions of True Blood and seeing the Gossip and the Grates live. 

issue number thirteen.
$1.00 ppd by mail
1 ounce
22 half sized pages.
text and photographs.
picture on the cover is of Dita Von Teese.
winter/spring (January - May) 2009

 This issue details my hopes for 2009, my trip to Las Vegas and other fun times with my super bestie Tess, a detailed list of my current obsessions, my fabulous encounter with comedian and super nerd Chris Hardwick, and my frustrations with being labeled as a "straight girl." And of course I talk a lot about sex, love, relationships, my goals and fears and all the little things that make me happy. My friend Justin had this to say about the issue: "You really captured how fun and miserable the present can be while the future seems paradoxically so unfair because there's no real indication of what we 'should' do. Good stuff!"

issue number twelve.
$1.00 ppd by mail
1.8 ounces
34 half sized pages.
text and photographs.
photograph on cover found in an antique shop outside of Athens, Georgia.
summer/fall/winter (June - December) 2008

 Every issue of "she's so very..." deals with my life and often follows along in a diary like format. I continue in issue 12 with recurrent themes of sexuality, relationships, pregnancy fear and body image. I also write about the release of an LP, the death of JERK ALERT and our last tour; trying new things and planning for the future; building strong friendships and letting go of crappy friends; and of course my many celebrity and pop culture obsessions, including my discovery of Twilight, seeing the Toadies and Margaret Cho in the same weekend. I've also included an interview I did with Le Tigre back in 2000! 


issue number eleven.
2.0 ounces
38 half sized pages.
text with full color cover designed by Meghan Weinstein.
winter/spring (January - May) 2008

I hope to make 2008 a year full of new experiences! This issue documents my first trip to California and other new and exciting things I'm trying to accomplish, details of my booking a show with The Old Haunts (featuring Tobi Vail from Bikini Kill), being interviewed for Hannah Neurotica's Zine Core radio show, JERK ALERT! recording our first "real" album and my continued attempts at dealing with sexuality, relationships and life. It also includes an interview with actress/musician Krysten Ritter (from Veronica Mars and Gilmore Girls) and my friends answer my two favorite music questions! It's a great issue and features a full color cover, which is another first!

issue number ten.
30 half sized pages.
text only.
photograph on cover found in an antique shop outside of Athens, Georgia.
fall/winter (August - December) 2007

"She's so very..." has always been about my journey through life, issue number ten continues that journey. I write about power struggles, relationships, abortion, anxiety, sexuality, pornography, self doubt, how feminism relates to my favorite television shows and movies, my attempt at becoming Stuart Murdoch's next singing star and much more.

issue number nine.
1.3 ounces
26 half sized pages.
text with comics and cover by sassafrassy.
spring/summer (April - August) 2007

JERK ALERT! goes on their first tour of the south and meets fred schnieder! melissa ann falls in love, and it's for real this time! this issue deals a lot with relationships of all sorts (soul-mate grrrl friends moving far far away; moving in with love-of-life), getting older, body image, pornography and fears and hopes for the future, as well as some current pop culture favorites.


issue number eight.
1.5 ounces
30 half sized pages.
text and photographs.
fall (August - November) 2006

written about my roadtrip to athens, georgia in august of 2006. also about the end of a relationship, and the beginning of a new one... becoming the singer for JERK ALERT!


issue number seven.
1.8 ounces
38 half sized pages.
text and photographs with comic by sassafrassy.
summer (June - August) 2006

this is sort of a split issue. part of it was written in the summer of 2004, the other part was written this past summer. it also includes a comic strip drawn by my dear friend, sassafrassy. in addition to many other things, this issue deals a lot with love and loss.

issue number six.
1.3 ounces
28 half sized pages.
text and photographs.
spring (March - April) 2006

this is the most personal issue i've ever written. many secrets of my life are revealed. deals with rape, abortion, cutting and my mother's most recent hospitalization. BUT it also deals with the fantastic events of my belle and sebastian weekend and boys! (an issue of she's so very... wouldn't be complete without the boys).

issue number five.
1.1 ounces
24 half sized pages.
text and magazine clippings.
autumn 2005

this issue was written after my big move to bloomington, indiana. i guess you could say it's about my adventures in the "real world" or whatever. also, includes details of my trip to portland, oregon in october '05 to see idlewild. this zine was made with magazine clippings and typewriter text. all cut and paste, the way it should always be.

issue number four.
12 half sized pages of text.
March 2005

this issue was written one late night while at work. it's all about mental illness.

issue number three.
1.1 ounces
24 half sized pages.
text and photographs.
autumn (October - November) 2003

this was written during a period of time when i was very ill with mononucleosis. i write about being sick, depression, living back at home, and of course my boy problems. includes song lyrics from my favorite songs at that time as well as my photography.

read a review for issue number three!

this issue originally came with a mixtape soundtrack.

issue number two.
1.9 ounces
38 half sized pages.
text and photographs.
winter (February - March) 2003

this issue has been described as a personal/political/self-help/art/fan zine. i write about my life, my beliefs and insights and tie it all together with idlewild quotes, poetry and my photography.

issue number one.
14 half sized pages.
text and photographs.
summer 2002

my very first zine. personal in content. rants about school, plans for the summer, my roadtrip to new york city to see placebo, a shower-stall peeping tom and some poetry.

click here to read issue number one

last updated on 8/5/2011

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